New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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