"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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