Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
