I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
