ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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