There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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