Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
