I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
