he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I need water and some morals
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
