3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
