4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you will always have a special place in my vag
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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