We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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