Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
me + whiskey = a bad person
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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