My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
