i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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