Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
