You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
