Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
