He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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