Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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