Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Farmville is her only friend.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have post one night stand depression
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
