i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
