Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
