in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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