Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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