Can Purell be used as lube?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
