i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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