I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
