im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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