Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
