The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
