I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
