for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When are your genitals available?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
