who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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