PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
