And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
