I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
