i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
