I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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