I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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