i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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