Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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