My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
