just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
