i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
