I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
