Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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