Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
