good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
