Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
