Already got asked if we're dating
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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