k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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